Off the top of my head here are some headlines I doubt we will ever see.
Psychic Wins lottery!
Clinton was telling the truth from the start
Oil companies admit to price fixing, and lower prices
Government reduces self 50%
Schools return PE programs to an hour a day
Honest and fair tax system initiated
The People hold politicians accountable
People being more courteous
Fewer people on cell phone, and paying attention to driving
Honest person wins political office
Politician Apologises
News show has useful information
Britney Spears shuts up, and goes home to care for family
Straight guy wins home decorating contest
Pro athletes ask for lower salaries, and display good sportsmanship
Family and child friendly shows top TV prime time ratings charts
Businesses opening in inner cities all over USA
Prison population decreasing
American obesity rates plummeting
Corporate CEO resigns before plundering company assets
Foreign companies out sourcing jobs back to USA at fair wages
Women find Mike in Boise the hottest guy in history, and are lining up at the door with money, Wife says it is ok!
The Original 
