Something that has always made me uncomfortable on May 3rd is that my wife’s and my father’s birthday are on the same day. It has gotten a bit worse over the years and drives me batty.
First off my parents no longer are married and do not live together, actually they do not speak and have disowned each other. My father and Becky do not really get along either, and my step mom and Becky are not going to be close. All tolerate each other and work to get along for the sake of the rest of us. We appreciate and understand this.
Each year about a week or two before this day my father will ask if we are coming to his house to celebrate birthdays. Of course one would ask this it is only logical. What makes it awkward for me is that I am my father’s only son, and hate to not be there. However obviously I am my wife’s only husband. (Unless she has news for me ha ha) I hate the thought of leaving someone out on their day.
I do feel I have a stronger obligation to my spouse. Her comfort, safety and well being are my responsibility. So it is a given one would indulge their spouse on their birthday. Most of the time my wife wants my mom to come over, and they go shopping and have dinner at a restaurant. That is a very reasonable request for one’s birthday, and my mom likes doing that.
However me knowing this I dread the call from my father, and begin to think of alibis to decline going to his house without insulting. I know he would be unintentionally hurt knowing Becky wants to see my mom (her mother in law) and not bring the grand kids and such and celebrate at his house. But again my obligation is to my spouse first. I send a card, and gift, and am sure to call him. I also place high on the list to get see him soon. It is the best I can do, but I still feel bad.
I really need to stop the alibi thing, because it is dishonest in all reality. It might be a white lie to save feelings, but if something has lie in it’s name, that makes what it is academic. Grey area is for politician and defense lawyers who play games something is true, or it is not true. I should just suck it up and say what her plans are, what I intend to do, and when I plan on seeing my father again. Polite but “this is how it is” sort of thing.
I did not set out to marry someone with the same birthday, I did not cause my parents to part ways, so any issue is not my fault. My father has a large stepfamily to spend this day with so there is no loss.
Of course lying is not any solution. How can I be a good spouse, a good father, a good health professional, or even a good person if I am a liar? If you tell lies, the only logical conclusion is that you get exposed as a liar. Then any thing you have said, any thing you say, or anything you say in the future is questioned because those who must count on you exposed you as a liar. (Crying wolf)
I it seem there really is not any moral dilemma, just correct action, and me cutting through the crap.
The Original 
